Why I'm Excited About Nymphomaniac

As the world awaits Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac, which appears from the trailer to be a sexual extension of Charlotte Gainsbourg’s character in Antichrist (2009), we are given — in the theatrical poster — suggestive syntactical vulva by way of parentheses, which may bring to mind Seymour’s “bouquet of very early-blooming parentheses” in J.D. Salinger’s Seymour: An Introduction (1959). Our compulsion to render images using syntax turns <3 into a ♥, taking language back into the cave drawings our ancestors used to communicate, similar to hieroglyphics, and early Chinese characters. Maybe we want to go back to the old ways, drawing images into the dirt. A more meta interpretation of () might be the excised (implied) parenthetical note, though that is questionable. Allow myself, whose brief up-close encounters with female genitalia have been mostly with my eyes closed, to offer a more explicit rendering — the “i” perhaps hopeful first person, as in the first person to third base. If there is a cunt in this enterprise, please direct your disgust at Lars himself, who seems obsessed with destroying the women portrayed in his films. Martyr is just a classy way of saying mother. His films are always expertly paced and gorgeous to look at, into which the obvious pretentiousness I’m aware of is ignored by allowing myself into world on the screen. Below you will see my shot by shot commentary on the latest trailer. Shia LaBeouf’s in it, and the way he’s been acting up lately in the media it might be the last chance you get to see him or his penis. This film just wants your eyes, not approval. I’ll see you in line at the cinema.